If SAS software products were men …

I may expand this into a series on software products in general. Years ago, I wrote a post on the similarities between the Rocket Scientist and SAS Enterprise Guide. Neither made a great first impression, both revealed their brilliance over time, and I am still with both lo these many years later.

Experiencing both SAS Web Editor and SAS On-demand this semester, I have to say this …. (well, I don’t HAVE to, but that’s never stopped me before) …

SAS On-demand is like a guy I dated who was on the Olympic team. You’d look at him and think,

“Gee, he should be a winner. He’s certainly got good genes and when he shows up, he looks nice.”

He was a nice guy, too, but just thick as a brick. Just like SAS On-Demand for Enterprise Guide, he meant well, but I couldn’t count on him to keep up. I don’t have to worry he’ll be reading my blog and get his feelings hurt because that sentence involved both “reading” and “blog”. Actually, I could have stopped at the word, “reading”. So, it came down to this,

“You know, I think we should see other people. We’re just not compatible. I’m really interested in a faster lifestyle.”

The positive ¬†thing about dumping people who are really dumb is that they don’t realize you’ve dumped them until a couple of months later, if ever. Just like my old boyfriend, SAS On-demand for Enterprise Guide might turn out okay and it is certainly fine for some people. I happen to know he married a very nice, not-too-bright woman and they have charming, athletic, attractive, moderately intelligent children who will probably run for Congress some day.

SAS Web Editor is like the promising young men I’d like to introduce to my daughters ¬†– intelligent, quick-witted, good-looking and seems likely to have a very good future. Really, it looks exactly to be SAS running on Linux with just a shiny front-end. Kind of like that guy getting his Ph.D. in computer science, but he’s cute.

(Of course, none of said daughters are actually getting introductions to men from me. They have told me in no uncertain terms that they don’t need my help in getting dates. Random picture of sample daughter presented below as support for this hypothesis. Also, a camel family.)

Ronda camel


If you would like to compare your most (least) favorite product to a person of the opposite gender, please feel free to chime in.


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  1. I don’t know how far I want to take this metaphor, but you aren’t the first person to compare a SAS product to a potential mate.

    SAS provides many different interfaces that are fit for different purposes (and this is something I would probably NOT ask of a single suitor). Perhaps instead of thinking about this as a choice among eligible bachelor products, you should consider the SAS product set to be a sort of harem that can help you to produce the results you’re looking for, regardless of your approach at any particular time.

    Speaking for myself, I’m happy that you and your students are using SAS. Thanks for keeping it in the family.

  2. While I can appreciate a sense of humour derived from this post.

    I would say an article like this is as terrible as http://blog.utest.com/if-programming-languages-were-women/2012/11/

    There is no room in society, (no not especially IT because this is a general problem), for sexism.

    I don’t feel you should remove this article, it is a perfect example of why this is a universal problem, but I do hope you refrain from propagating sexism.

  3. It is your opinion it is sexism. I did not find the other article to be sexist either. I think as a woman who has been programming since 1975 and spent most of her career as the only woman in rooms of male engineers and programmers, I’ve had a bird’s eye view of sexism. I am a lot more concerned about venture capitalists saying they would only fund males in their twenties than by someone comparing Java to a rich woman or COBOL to an old man. I think taking offense at posts like these trivializes what is a serious issue.

  4. I disagree, while I’m not offended by this posting, I think the other link he posted was very sexist.

    I work in the same types of shops and can suggest maybe you have become to accepting of the normal boys behavior. Sexism starts somewhere, give them an inch and they think they are free to say/do anything.


  5. Interesting point, Daniel. You may be correct about that. Maybe my perspective has been formed by putting up with MUCH WORSE earlier in my career.

    I know that my daughters, who range in age from 14-30, are much less likely to let things slide than I am.

    For example, the oldest was in a calculus class in high school where they worked in groups. When the other (male) members of her group had an answer the rest all copied it down. When it was her turn to do the problem, they would ask her to prove it and show her work. This is the sort of thing that I would just ignore, thinking to myself, “These guys are jerks and I know I am just as smart as them.”

    In contrast, Maria, got up in the middle of class and said, “Who the fuck do you think you are? I got in this class on the same test scores you did!”

    I know this because one of the nuns from St. Monica’s called me about my daughter’s behavior. I told the sister that I would speak to her about her language but I agreed with her point.

    (No, I probably didn’t speak to her about her language either but you never get anywhere arguing with a nun. Just say, “Yes, sister.”)

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